What a fucking waste of an outfit
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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