Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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