i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
