Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
