he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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