You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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