Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
