You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
