I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You smell like stripper and shame
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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