Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
