i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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