I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
