Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
