so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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