This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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