Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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