we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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