i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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