why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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