what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
