Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize