I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
