I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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