I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
