Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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