but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
