You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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