I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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