So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
