Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
