You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
