This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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