just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
