i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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