You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
