the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
