I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
