she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
