Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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