Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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