You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
