I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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