Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
