I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
