The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
