If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
