So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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