this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
