By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
