i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
