im drinking this country out of the recession.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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