Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
