Don't you send me to vm
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
