Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
