i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
