I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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