is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Enjoy the penises
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
