It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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