we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
