They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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