1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
