Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
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