Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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