So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
