I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
