On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
