I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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