My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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