You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
