You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
