They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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