Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize