I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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