Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
