yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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